It's frustrating to watch children argue and have issues with one another, but most children argue because they don’t yet have the tools to resolve their conflicts peacefully. Whether you’re a school counselor, teacher, or a parent of quarreling kids, it can be difficult to know the best way to encourage them to solve their disagreements without relying on the grown-ups around them to intervene.
Luckily, teaching children how to use “I-statements” can help them effectively communicate with each other and develop problem-solving skills that they will find helpful later in life as well.
In this blog post, we will look at what an I-statement is, why it is effective skill for resolving small conflicts among children, and offer helpful tips for getting started teaching your students the power and importance of this assertive communication and conflict resolution strategy. Using I-statements can help everyone involved manage their feelings and come together more peacefully.
What is an I-Statement?
I-statements are a simple method of problem-solving and communication that can be used in resolving conflicts. I-statements are assertive messages that enable you to communicate your feelings, wishes, and needs without attacking or blaming the other person by using “I” instead of “you.” Think about the difference in how these two statements feel: “You annoy me when you take my seat...” versus “I feel annoyed when you take my seat. Could you please move?”
I-statements can provide an effective way to express concerns without escalating the conflict or harmfully criticizing another person's character.
What are the Benefits of Using I-Statements?
I-statements are a simple tool for improving communication, managing conflict, and allowing all involved to better understand each other. I love to teach children how to use I-statements because it helps empower them to solve their own problems. I-statements focus on how you feel about the problem instead of casting blame. When used correctly, I-statements make it easier for both parties to come to a solution.
I-statements help children express their feelings and opinions in an assertive manner that can help defuse tension and bring about more effective outcomes. I-statements focus on the behavior described, rather than making an attack on another person or dismissing the issue.
Using I-statements to express your feelings clearly and accurately is also a great way to show respect for yourself as well as others, increasing mutual understanding and trust. I-statements can be used in many situations, at school, and at home, making them useful when it comes to resolving small disagreements.
How do I Teach Children How to Use I-statements to Solve their Disagreements?
By having kids learn I-statements at a young age, you can help them develop key skills to better understand one another and empower them to effectively handle conflicts as they grow older.
An I-statement begins with "I" and it specifically states what the speaker is feeling, thinking, needing or wanting. When encouraging your child to use I-statements discuss how I-statements can help them feel empowered while helping others understand their feelings and needs in more detail.
As with most social-emotional learning, I find it is helpful to teach this skill proactively. You want to teach this to the kids when they are calm and not in the middle of a conflict. I’ve found the best way to do this is to use role-playing scenarios and giving the children a sentence starter visual that includes the fillers they can practice with: “I feel ___ when you ___. Could you please ___?”
Join my free SEL resource library to get this I-Statement sentence starter printable to get started today! If you're already a subscriber, just head here.
Fun Activities to Teach Conflict Resolution and Problem Solving Skills to Kids
If you’re looking for some fun activities to teach children how to use I-statements, I’ve created these awesome digital and print games to help take the guesswork out for you! Snowman I-Statements is a fun game to teach conflict resolution, communication, and problem-solving skills by using a simple I-Statement social script!
This winter-themed can help kids practice how to solve social problems by building a snowman.You'll get an I-Statement poster, 64 scenarios, 40 solutions, 5 mats, and 9 feelings including worried, angry, sad, tired, annoyed, shocked, scared, confused, and embarrassed.
It's so helpful to teach conflict resolution and problem-solving skills to help empower children to deal with their small-sized problems with this fun game! You can also use this game for in-person learning by projecting on any type of smart board. This game can be played digitally and there is also a printable version included in color and black-and-white.
Both the conflict scenarios and responses will lead to some great discussions about problem-solving and expected behavior. Social-emotional learning areas addressed include self-awareness, social awareness, and responsible decision-making.
Start the school year off right by pre-teaching problem-solving skills to help prevent problems before they happen with this fun Apple of My I-Statements game. This is a fun self-correcting digital game to teach conflict resolution, communication, and problem-solving skills. There are also 42 printable problem-solving task cards, an I-Statement poster, I-Statement script handouts, and a feelings poster included. The task cards come in both color and black-and-white.
Social-emotional learning areas addressed include self-awareness, social awareness, and responsible decision-making. Both the questions and responses will lead to some great discussions about problem-solving and expected behavior!
There are 2 versions of the digital game so you can differentiate to meet the unique learning needs of your students. Each digital version has FIFTY-FOUR scenarios!
❶ The first version is for lower elementary and has 3 multiple-choice options to choose from. Some of the options are funny, so they will probably make your students laugh!
❷ The second version is for upper elementary and is an open-response style question.
When should children use I-statements?
When small-sized problems arise, it can be helpful for your child to use an I-statement. An I-statement is a tool that helps your child express their feelings in a non-confrontational manner without incriminating another person. This can be especially useful when there’s an issue with a small disagreement or minor annoyance such as someone being loud or taking someone’s snack at school that they brought.
I-statements should not be used in more serious situations such as bullying or emergencies. Knowing when to effectively use an I-statement can help your child communicate their feelings better and help them resolve small disagreements before they become larger issues. In my book, Skills for Big Feelings, we teach children how to measure the size of their challenges, so we would use I-statements with small rock or even medium boulder problems.
You can help children learn how to use I-statements to express their feelings, wants, and needs in a way that leads to productive problem solving. The next time a child comes to you with a small sized problem with a peer, encourage them to try using an “I” statement. And if you’re looking for some fun activities to teach kids about I-statements, be sure to check out these fun I-statement role playing activities!
