When you’re working with children and teens, you’re also working with families. When we collaborate with families, we can help kids achieve both academic and social-emotional success. In this blog post I will address the benefits of communicating well with parents including to help build rapport and trust, identifying concerns early, and working collaboratively for the benefit of the child. I will also give you some insight on effective parent communication and give you tips for having tricky or difficult conversations with parents and families.
Building Trust and Rapport with Families
Establishing a foundation of trust with parents and families is ideal for creating a supportive environment for the student. When parents trust school counselors, school social workers, school psychologists, and other educators, they’re more likely to share helpful insights about their child. They might share insights about their child’s strengths, challenges, and home environment. And all of this information may be helpful to have a more holistic understanding of the child to help them succeed in school. Having trust between families and educators allows for open communication and collaboration, enabling counselors and educators to develop tailored strategies to address the student’s lagging skills and unique needs. A trusting relationship also helps foster a team approach and reassures parents that the counselor and other educators have their child's best interests at heart.
When we have been openly communication with parents, we can also identify issues early on, and work collaboratively together to address concerns. This way, we are taking a more hands-on preventative approach.
Be Proactive and Use Positive Notes Home
Don’t wait until there is a concern (behavioral or academic) to reach out to parents and families. The first time they hear from you it should be to introduce yourself, or to call about something positive. This is the reason why each of the units in my Social Skills Treasury Growing Bundle (kindness, perspective taking, sportsmanship, and flexible thinking) comes with positive parent notes home. They are so easy to send home and make such a positive impact for the child and their family too.
Use Multiple Communication Tools
Ask parents how they prefer to be contacted. Hopefully you can use various methods to communicate with families such as emails, phone calls, newsletters, meetings, or an app (like class dojo or remind.) If your families speak languages other than English, be sure you are translating documents before sending them home as well. Google translate is an excellent resource to share with families!
Be Clear and Concise and Avoid Jargon
Let’s face it, there are SO MANY acronyms in education (MTSS, IST, RTI, BIP, IEP, IDEA, FAPE, ADA, PBL, SLD, 504, LRE, AT, PBIS, FERPA, LEP, SEI, BCBA, etc.) 😅
You don’t want to alienate parents. You want to communicate clearly and avoid educational jargon and acronyms to be sure that parents understand what you are saying to them. Many parents will not want to ask questions of educators if they don’t understand something, so be clear and to encourage them to seek more information if something is unclear. At the end of the conversation be sure to ask them if they have any questions and make the follow up plan clear.
Use Active Listening and Positive Communication Tips
Use active listening which involves fully focusing, understanding, responding, and remembering what the other person is saying. It requires you, as the listener, to engage with the speaker, show empathy, and say something back to them that shows you understood what they shared.
Active listening helps you understand the parents' point of view more clearly and can help facilitate a collaborative problem-solving approach. It can go a long way to show empathy and listen to parents' concerns and perspectives without judgment. And this approach helps ensure that parents feel heard and valued, which can lead to more productive conversations about their child. You’ll see some more positive communication tips listed below as well.
Provide Helpful Resources and Support
You want to share helpful resources, tips, and strategies with families so they can support their child's development. I have an incredible Counselor and Mental Health Letters Templates Forms and Handouts Bundle that will make this a piece of cake for you!
This huge bundle comes with editable templates of letters, handouts, forms, and tip sheets. This has so many resources to save time on documentation and increase parent communication with little work for you! This set will save you loads of time as a counselor, social worker, or psychologist.
These editable forms and templates include family letters, tip and resource sheets, surveys, community resources, permission slips, lists, releases, mental health handouts, what we're learning about letters, and so much more! You can save big on this bundle which includes:
✍️ Mental Health Tips/Resource Sheets and Letters on these Topics:
ADHD
Anger
Anxiety
Behaviors at Home
Depression
Selective Mutism
Self Harm (Self Injurious Behavior/Cutting)
Separation Anxiety
Anger
Asking for Help
Bullying Prevention
Coping Skills
Decision Making Skills
Diversity and Inclusion
Empathy
Expected Choices
Feelings
Friendship
Gratitude
Growth Mindset
I-Statements
Kindness
Mindfulness
Not Interrupting
Personal Space
Perspective Taking
Positive Thinking
Problem Sizes
Problem Solving
Screen-Free Time
Self-Awareness
Self-Care
Self Control
Self-Esteem
Sportsmanship
Staying on Topic
Stress
Worrying
Starting Kindergarten Note Home and Tips for Starting Kindergarten
Starting Preschool Note Home and Tips for Starting Preschool
Welcome Back to School Letters for Families
Food Pantry Resources, Housing Resources, Utility, and Other Community Resources
End of the Year Thank You Letter
Camp Scholarship Resources
Summer Break / Activity Calendar
Group Graduation Letter Home and Student and Parent Post-Group Surveys
Lunch Bunch Letter Home and Permission
Small Group Letter Home and Permission
Increase Physical Activity Letter and Movement Tips and Resources
Sleep Letter and Sleep Tips and Resources
After School Enrichment Activities Letter
Homework and Study Tips Letter
Intern Letter to Parents and Small Groups with Intern Letters
Accommodation Permission Letter
Behavior Incentive Chart with Social Story Letter Home
Check-in-Check-Out Letter and Permission Slip
Communication Log
MTSS Intervention Follow-Up and Recap Meeting and/or Intervention Follow Up
Enrollment Verification Letter
Letter Requesting a Signed Release and Authorization to Release Information
Crisis Resources and 988 Information
Outside Counselor Referral
Please Fill Out Attached Forms and Rating Scales Attached Letter
Requesting Call Back and Unable to Reach You Before a Meeting Letters
Career Day Letter and Interest Form
Coffee with the Counselor Interest Form, Flyer, and Letter
Fundraiser Letter and Idea List
Project Seeking Donations
Celebrating Kindness Letters and Kindness Activity Ideas
Drug Prevention Awareness Week Letter
Thank You Letter for Donation
Upcoming Event: Seeking Business Sponsors
Sad Event: Grief/Tragedy
Tracking Devices
I'm so confident you will love this bundle, I am offering you a free sample here which includes:
Separation Anxiety Tips and Resources 3 Page Editable Handout
Editable We're Learning About Expected Choices parent letter
Editable Welcome Back to School Letter
To get this freebie, if you are already an email subscriber, just head to my free SEL resource library. If you're not yet a subscriber, you can sign up here.
7 Tips for Having Tricky or Difficult Conversations with Parents
In this line of work, difficult conversations are bound to happen and we can’t shy away from them. Over my 16+ years of working in public schools, I’ve had my share of difficult conversations with families. Below I will share my top 7 tips for having difficult conversations with parents and families. It might even help to try to reframe challenging conversations as opportunities to strengthen relationships and enhance the support network for our students! Now lets look at those 7 tips:
1. Don’t Put it Off
I know a lot of times we want to procrastinate and put off having difficult or tricky conversations with parents, but in my experience, the longer you put it off, the more space it will take up in your brain. So if it’s possible, try to schedule the meeting as soon as you can, so you can get it done and over with!
A lot of times we cause ourselves unnecessary anxiety and stress by anticipating ALL the things that could go terribly wrong in the meeting. Once you have the discussion, you’ll be able to move on and stop stressing about it, so the quicker you can do it, the better.
2. Prepare in Advance
If you know you are going to have a tricky or difficult conversation with a parent, prepare for it in advance, if at all possible. This is your chance to gather all of the relevant information and plan the key points that you want to discuss. It might be helpful to have your key points jotted down in a bulleted list, that you can easily glance at to help trigger your memory. Depending on the nature of the conversation, you might even have a list of interventions, test scores, or other useful information to share.
Part of preparing in advance might also mean asking a colleague or administrator to sit in on the meeting with you as well. This can be very helpful to have another person there.
Lastly, another part of preparing in advance means choosing the right setting. Don’t have a difficult conversation in a hallway or where everyone can hear everything. See if an office or conference room is available in advance and book the space. If possible, you’ll want to have the conversation in a private and comfortable environment.
3. Use This Magic Phrase
When navigating difficult conversations with parents, consider using the phrase, “Do I have your permission to share something that might be hard to hear?” I learned this from a great psychiatrist I used to work with. It’s a powerful and respectful approach that sets the tone for having a conversation about any type of sensitive topic. By asking the parent this question, you are also allowing them to prepare emotionally and mentally. And it helps foster an atmosphere of respect and openness, showing that you value their input and partnership.
By seeking permission, you’re also demonstrating empathy and care, making it easier for parents to receive and process challenging information in a more constructive way. This strategy can transform a potentially tense exchange into a collaborative problem-solving session that’s truly focused on the student's best interests.
4. Stay Positive, Calm, and Professional
When you first start the conversation, be sure to start by saying something positive! I can’t tell you how much the dynamic changes when I’ve been in a meeting and the teacher begins the conversation by sharing a concern or something negative about the child. When this is done, I have seen the parents visibly tense up and shut down. So please start by sharing the student's strengths and emphasize the mutual goal of supporting their child's success. And of course, be sure to approach the conversation with a calm and professional demeanor to foster a productive dialogue.
5. Keep the Conversations Student-Centered and Solution-Focused
When having difficult conversations with parents, it’s important to keep the focus on the student so you can work together towards a positive outcome. Collaboratively identify actionable steps and solutions, and ideally both parents and educators can contribute thoughts and ideas.
Try to keep the child's well-being at the forefront of your mind throughout the discussion. By maintaining a supportive and solution-oriented approach, parents are more likely to feel valued.
6. Use Active Listening and Empathetic Language
Active listening is especially important when it comes to having difficult conversations. You want to express understanding and compassion while addressing concerns. Try these tips for active listening and good communication:
Ask open ended questions.
Paraphrase what the parent said and ask them if you understood them correctly “I hear you saying you’re concerned about this because of [xyz], is that correct?”
Avoid interrupting and allow the parent to finish their thoughts without interjecting.
Use positive body language by nodding to show understanding, making appropriate eye contact, leaning slightly forward to show interest, keeping an open posture, and avoiding crossing your arms.
Provide verbal affirmations by using phrases like "I see," "That makes sense," or "I understand."
Show empathy by acknowledging the parent’s emotions and validating their feelings. You might say something like, “it sounds like you’re feeling [emotion] about [issue]. Is that accurate?”
Avoid distractions by putting away phones or silencing smart watches so you can give your full attention.
Stay patient by giving the parent time to express their thoughts fully without rushing them.
At the end of the conversation, ask if there's anything else they’d like to add or discuss, and then summarize the key points to ensure mutual understanding.
7. Share Useful Resources to Help Parents
Whether it’s a child struggling with depression, anxiety, or self-abusive behaviors like cutting, this Counselor and Mental Health Letters Templates Forms and Handouts Bundle has everything you need to save you time and enhance effective parent communication.
This extensive bundle offers a variety of editable parent resources, making it simple to customize letters, handouts, forms, and tip sheets. Here’s what you can expect:
Family Letters: Keep parents informed with ready-made, editable letters.
Tip and Resource Sheets: Provide valuable advice and resources on child development and mental health.
Surveys: Gather essential feedback from families to better support their needs.
Community Resources: Share local resources that can offer additional support.
Permission Slips: Simplify the process of obtaining necessary permissions.
Lists and Releases: Streamline your documentation with organized lists and release forms.
Mental Health Handouts: Offer informative handouts on various mental health topics.
SEL Educational Updates: Inform parents about what their children are learning with you.
Benefits for Counselors, Social Workers, and Psychologists
This bundle is a game-changer for professionals in the field of child development and mental health. Here’s why:
Time-Saving: Spend less time on documentation and more time on direct support.
Enhanced Communication: Improve communication with parents effortlessly.
Customizable: Easily tailor the templates to fit your specific needs.
Comprehensive: Access a wide range of resources in one convenient package.
With this bundle, you’ll have everything you need to efficiently support families and their children's development. Whether you're a counselor, social worker, or psychologist, this set will save you valuable time and enhance your ability to provide effective support.
Having difficult conversations with parents is an inevitable part of working in education, but by approaching these discussions with preparation, empathy, and a student-centered solution-focused mindset, we can have more positive outcomes. By not delaying these conversations, preparing thoroughly, using respectful language, staying positive and professional, focusing on the student's strengths, providing helpful resources, and practicing active listening, we can build stronger partnerships with parents to support our students.
